This week my husband and I finished watching the Granada/ITV series 7 Up, if you are not familar with the programme it followed 14 7 years olds from 1963, returning every 7 years to see where their lives had gone. I grew up in London & watching the scenes from the East end especially reminded me of so many of my own family photos, this was the era my parents were teenagers in, this was their story through another childrens eyes.
Ineviably the directors & producers biases were displayed for all to see, carreers for men, marriage & children for the women, presumably the lack of equal gender representation was based on the assumption the girls lives just wouldnt be as interesting. There was something quite profound about watching peoples lifetimes unfold, A great many of the participants seemed to struggle with having to return to reflecting on their lives every 7 years. I found the experience strangely emotional, particularly as the series closed at 70 sadly without some of the original participants.
It caused me to reflect on not only the passage of time but how we view a successful life lived or indeed one that’s fallen short, a career not pursued but over 160 children fostered. A love of books leading to 35 years in the public sector working in libraries, private education colliding with a need to give back to society and some of the poorest students in london being educated by the most highly educated. Marriages that endured, others that didn’t, life, death & everything in between. It was said to be an experiment about the class system, it certainly demonstrated a changing society but mostly it seemed to demonstrate the very essence of being human.
Trigger Warning for SA survivors (skip this paragraph if you prefer)
When i look back at my 7 year old self, I recognise the defiance, I dont remember the innocence or the joy. By 8 years old I had been repeatedly sexually abused by different men. To be clear this did not ruin my life, as I was told it would but it became a profound part of my weave, my psyche, my body & my tapestry. By 14 I’m starting to diet, initailly unsucessfully & then very sucessfully, by the time I’m 16 I’m 90 pounds in weight (I’m 5.6 for refernce) I am now determined more than ever that I want to dance.
By 21 I’m at University doing a performing Arts degree, I’m volunteering most weekends for a charity supporting people with HIV & Aids. I’ve lost my dad at 17 and had walked out of college, my defiance had not taken a sebatical it was refueling. At 28 I had not been talented enough to perform professionally, it turned out I wasn’t good at just being a number without a name. I was working in Theatre management, bought my first flat, began volunteering at a local shelter and then someone offered me a job as a Personal trainer.
By 35 I’d been fired as a trainer and was now running my own Pilates teaching business, I got married & I was dancing again.
By 42 I’m divorced, bought a cottage in the New Forest with the chap above in the black tux & am a step mum to 3 teenagers. I’m travelling alot to New York to visit & learn from Pilates teachers & i’ve created a home Studio in my living room.
By 49 I’m remarried, to the tux chap above and Covid has changed my business into the shape of things now. I’m a fully qualifed Yoga teacher & I’m back taking regular ballet classes again with a teacher I studied with at 16.
The world has changed, parts of it beyond regognition but the tapestry of our lives is still being woven and still interweaving.I dont know what the years bring ahead if I am lucky enough to have them. I do know that the beautiful plants in my garden have not failed because they have ceased to remain in full bloom as we head into the Autumn. Summer was never meant to last.
So as I consider the answer to the question ‘What is the purpose of it all?’ I’m reminded that perhaps it’s simply just to live it and not be measured by it. By many measures I’m no great sucess, I haven’t excelled to any great professional heights, I’ve failed or walked away from many situations, my heart has broken all too frequently to humans and the vast array of animal companions I’ve walked alongside. When i look back,however, it was these very failures and heart breaks which landed me often in the middle of my next new adventure and taught me the most. It has not been easy but it’s been a gloriously messy adventure even if it didn’t have a film crew documenting it.
“We are all failures – at least the best of us are.” – J.M. Barrie
May we all continue to fail & thrive,
With Love,
Suzy
