Ever felt the overwhelming desire to smash something into a thousand pieces? Only to find yourself surrounded by shards of glass you then spend an hour trying to pick out of a coir doormat taunting you with the word Welcome.
I was about 20 when I got so frustrated the above events played out, I remember thinking two things, firstly I did not feel instantly better and secondly how could one glass tumbler create so much mess and then the inevitable wave of regret, interestingly I don’t remember what took me to my edge because it wont have been one thing, it was undoubtedly a cumulation of events, circumstances and words both said and unsaid at the time, none of which were so important that they reside with me now.
Whilst I didn’t realise it at the time this loss of control became a pivotal moment for me, I’m not one to express my emotions openly, it takes a great deal for me to share how I feel but when I go, there’s likely to be a national phone alert that follows.
I know this, and so I try to practice recognising just how full my cup is running, denial and justification runs through an addicts’ veins so I’ve become an expert at knowing when I’m lying to myself when it comes to measuring stress in my life, a lookout point is to admire and appreciate the view but get to close and you might find yourself slipping.
So, this Bank holiday weekend when the scaffolder accidentally put a post through my ground floor window I found myself taking a breath, because the truth is this week has been rough enough. My Mother in law was admitted to hospital severely unwell and whilst the situation has at times been desperately worrying there have been moments of laughter in the darkness , I mean how else do you respond to someone on a ward telling you they have spent the day walking with llamas , have been visited by monkeys and that the medicine they’re taking is to give women special powers to know what their husbands are up to? It gives a whole new insight to having a monkey mind that’s for sure. Infections can cause delirium but the world of imagination we are currently having described to us would make Willy Wonka’s world look monotone.
And so, when the scaffolder showed up last night with flowers, wine, and apology, it transpires we weren’t the only ones having a bad day. I am reminded that if this is our story currently then it helps to remember that others also have their stories and whilst it’s proving impossibly difficult over the bank holiday weekend to get repairs done, its not raining & the visiting monkeys are friendly. At any given moment things can change but they also pass, whether we choose to respond or react is our decision, the difficulty is you will only get the opportunity to practice responding instead of reacting at the exact moment you want to throw the monkeys through the window.
Just remind yourself you may well rid yourself of the Monkey for a time, but you’ll be cleaning up broken glass long after their presence would have faded if you had only taken a breath.
Namaste,
Suzy
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