I’ve been blessed to have dogs in my life for a long as I can remember. I’ve always loved large dogs the best, always rescues and rarely the dog I thought I wanted but always the one I was meant to have and the one I needed to learn the most from.
Oscar (pictured left) is my oldest and he is reaching his end days. Sometimes working with bodies and watching bodies can be as much a curse as a gift, the smallest shift of movement patterns that would go unseen by others are immediate to me. I see, I feel and I try to help.
I knew Oscar’s issues were neural and not muscular, the sudden mal co ordination, his seeming ambivalence to something that was clearly slowing him down and debilitating his everyday adventures. I followed my Pilates professionalism and instinct and had a Vet look at him. My darkest fears were realized, there’s nothing they can do but at least there is no pain. As I’ve mentioned before I don’t adhere to the term weakness when I’m working, there are merely strengths to be worked on. I’ve worked with enough clients with terminal cancer to know and understand my limitations but this is a member of my family. And it hurts not to be able to ‘do something’.
I’ve been contacted by a wonderful Pilates teacher offering help with Osteopathy, +AlisonSalmond you cant know how grateful I was for your offer of help and positive attitude and a wonderful example of social media bringing people together. This weekend we brought him to the country, yesterday we walked in the torrential rain just because he loves it so, he always loved mud the best, today he stopped, he didn’t want to go on, its the first time he’s ever done that, and I heard the crack of my heart as my partner gently walked him home whilst I continued with my youngest pups eager to challenge giant pigs and play Russian roulette with donkeys who’ve been there, done that and kicked the tush of an over exuberant dog.
Just as I have done many times before I put one step in front of the other and I breathed, I watched the river, previously a gentle stream racing forward, taking everything with it not strong enough to withstand its powerful force. I tried to get my biggest boy to find a calmer presence amongst some very patient ponies whilst I considered my options for my oldest and now weakest. When we arrived back Oscar was waiting, guarding, watching and very much present, his spirit is vital, his body the only thing that is failing. And so here I am in my moment being forced to take one day at a time, having been reminded gently by those that care that even lying in front of the fire can be enough sometimes.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, even if I deep down I do, my Pilates training has taught me all I can do is my very best in life, with energy, with positivity and with a passion for life but just sometimes I wish I didn’t see the changes, didn’t feel the subtleties, didn’t notice the river rushing forward because sometimes you are forced to wander where the previous nine years went. So tonight I will love, tonight I will let tomorrow find itself and I will let my Old man sleep by the fire, knowing that however much we think we as humans can change things, the river will always move forward. I am a Pilates teacher but tonight I am a broken hearted one being reminded that letting go is as important as holding tight.
With love to All the Pilates community